As I sit here thinking about 2019 and wondering what I did that added value to my life. Have I wasted it all away? Did I truly make a difference in other’s lives? Was there something that I did. To positively impacted someone else’s life. I cannot help but wonder if I did enough; or did I fail in some way. These are some of the many questions that come across my mind as I say goodbye to 2019 and move into 2020.
These are just a few things that stick out that I feel are great things that I did. However, I hope and would like to think. That there are many other little moments that I did; in an act of kindness to others. That made a positive impact on them, in some way. I truly believe that these little moments are the greatest ones. These are the moments that you are not recognized, acknowledged, nor even praised for doing them. I don’t need the recognition, as it is within these little moments. That it is all about the act of doing good, and allowing the universe to take over. What you put out into the universe is what you will get back.
When I look back at last year and how I have changed my way of thinking. Focusing on positive thoughts; even when it was most difficult. I can’t help but think of my Grandmother Faye. When I think about being a more conscious positive thinker. She played a role in my young life; as a child. I even sit here now, with tears running down my face. Just with the memories of her, and wishing she was still around. I remember her as a strong, positive, creative, beautiful, and spiritually sound person. She never had a bad thing to say about anyone; always encouraged me to be me.
I discovered most of all that I am capable of so much more. I truly do not feel that I gave 100% last year. If I am going to be truly honest; and I have to be. As hard as this is to admit, I know that I could have given so much more. I should have made a better attempt at understanding, and getting to know others better. Instead of prejudging or pushing them away; based on my own perception of them. Based on their actions or words. I still have much more that I can do to making wiser financial choices in 2020. It is all about choices; just learning to be happy with what you have. Putting myself out there more, as I have dropped the ball on this one. These are a few highlights of things that I still need to work on.
I have done pretty well with putting positive thoughts into the world. But, I kept myself hidden away at home. Not really doing anything to meet up with friends; or even make new friends outside of work situations. This is difficult for me to do, have to do better this year with this part of my life. I realize that I am still guarded when it comes to my heart. I am not allowing others a chance; as I don’t want to be hurt or used anymore. I need to move forward, or this part of my life will never change. This is the hardest thing for me to do when it comes to my heart.
I am fully aware of what I need to do moving into 2020, and won’t be easy. If it were easy then there would be no reward. In the effort that we put into making changes for ourselves.