LDR Amongst The Crisis

The Venice Grand Canal Mall in Taguig, Philippines
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Venice_Grand_Canal,_Taguig

When I met Freeman for the first time it was like meeting an old friend again. We met outside of South Mall in Las Pinas. That is located in the Philippines. Being in an LDR (long-distance relationship) can be and often difficult to maneuver. Especially, when you each live in a different country and time zone. Even though our time together was brief in our eyes. We had exactly 4 weeks to get to know each other. If it wasn’t for COVID19; it would have been much longer. However, we feel blessed to have had this time to get to know each other. It’s not that way for most LDR’s from what I have read or heard about. Either way, there are many factors to take into consideration. First, and foremost for myself is the love part. For me, that was almost instantly as after our second meeting. I knew I wanted to be with Freeman. Fortunately, he felt the saw way about me. Hands down there is love between us. I sit here typing this out and I get energized just thinking about him. The great times we spent together getting to know each other and talking about our goals in life.

Now that I am back in the US, we continue to chat twice a day. We even video chat daily, as there is no replacement for actually seeing their face.

Now after you establish if there is a spark or a deep-rooted interest between both parties. I am not talking about money or something tangible; as we all have seen those reality tv shows. I am talking about something real. If you are only in it for the money; then you will never be happy; truly happy. Once we had a few weeks of spending time together. I started to ask myself these questions. For me, they came up “YES” every time. Is he someone that I could see myself living with? What do I have in common with him? Do we share a common goal in life? Am I willing to relocate if necessary? The list goes on and on and on. These are the ones that kept circling in my head. I think that is up to the unique situation of the circumstances surrounding the LDR.

I must say with regret that it was my first one, and being new at the whole long-distance thing. I was just as much fault as the other person for it not working out.

Now that I am back in the US, we continue to chat twice a day. We even video chat daily, as there is no replacement for actually seeing their face. To bring you both closer together; as you are both apart from one another. I will tell you from past experiences, staying in contact daily and making each other a priority; is the key to making an LDR work. That is if you truly want that person in your life long term. Personally, this would be no different if you were already living together. You wouldn’t ignore them or talk to them for days or weeks. Then expect the relationship to flourish and grow. So why would you treat an LDR any differently? This is where the true test lies. When you are separated and how you both work to keeping what you had together alive. No lie it does take work, just like a marriage or relationship. Yes, it does take moving things around so it all fits comfortably.

Right now for me, the time zone thing is the only one thing that is the trickiest.

This will avoid any disconnect or distancing the other party may be feeling. Again, I will say it-communication is so important. Even more so with an LDR and keeping it on course for the long haul. The way I see it; is when you ignore or unresponsive to their communications. Even your prearranged chat/video set times. Personally, this is a sure way that you will quickly distance yourself from the other person. They may also feel that you’re not taking the LDR seriously or losing interest in them as well. I do speak from experience, as I had a prior LDR. I must say with regret that it was my first one, and being new at the whole long-distance thing. I was just as much fault as the other person for it not working out. However, I will say that it gave me a great deal of perspective on how to truly manage and maintain an LDR going forward. Yes, I will admit that I made mistakes. We both did when it came to setting up a schedule, expectations, or even communication on a daily bases.

We are doing our best to move forward and making sure of one thing during this separation. That is showing our love for each other on a daily bases.

Right now for me, the time zone thing is the only one thing that is the trickiest. Since Freeman is still in the Philippines waiting to get back to Africa. We only have a small window in the morning to talk before I go to work. I know once he gets back to Africa; the time will work a lot easier with our scheduling. The upside right now is, I have more time to talk with him in the evenings. With Freeman; we always communicate with each other about everything. This is very imported too when retaining an LDR. I love the fact that we always start and end the day with each other. We share details about our day and make each other laugh. Just like if we were already living together; he would share his day with me as I do with him. Of course with the current crisis and lockdowns or quarantine. There is not a whole lot to share in that area of our lives. We let each other know what is going on in our lives from the mundane to the more interesting things. This works for us, and everyone needs to establish some type of schedule for communication.  

We may be separated by an ocean. But we are closer than ever before.

Even though we were expecting to have more time together before my return date. With the COVID19 pandemic, and change of plans for later this year. I can tell you that it has made us stronger as a couple. We have made plans for the future and meeting up after the Crisis is over. We are doing our best to move forward and making sure of one thing during this separation. That is showing our love for each other on a daily bases. We may be separated by an ocean. But we are closer than ever before. All I can say to you; if you are looking or pursuing an LDR for yourself. Do what I did, and take that first step. Just make sure you’re being honest with yourself. What is it you need for this to work for you? Have those hard conversations with your future partner. To make sure their head and heart are in the same place as you. Are they interested in aking a possible LDR seriously? I will leave you with this. Whatever you decide to do. Make sure that you set clear and precise expectations. Have a clear timeline set and most of all. Just be realistic in your expectations; make sure that you are not living off of the fantasy of an LDR. But, something solid you can bank on when you are working to close the distance between the two of you.